Monday, August 21, 2006

A Sin

The church bells are tolling to remind us of our sins. Here is one of mine: lust. I have a lust for satisfaction of ALL my appetites. It is a type of greed that takes hold at unexpected moments and is never satisfied. I was at church the whole day on Sunday. Between sermons, I tried to lay aside all thoughts that would ruin me and failed. So wild was my imagining, I fancied I drank spa water with a certain friend and spoke in French, which I cannot do otherwise, and was observed to look ill. It was no doubt due to the hankering kindness I felt for Herr -- who told me of a sonata for violin and clavier he had composed, which he would like me to play. Play WITH him! I would like to play WITH the curls on his wig and blow wind very gently behind his ears. I would like to COMPOSE myself! In all my fancies, I am like a tree that has been sunk into a flowerpot and can be lifted out very easily when I am in his company. But alas, this is a sin of dreaming and only my distraction is real. N.


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